Our research shows us that men and women, as they reach fifty and grow older,
generally have two different views of romance.
Men, especially those who have given up hopes of getting a ripped biceps and a rippled
six pack, are usually less concerned about body appearance, and become more
concerned about sexual performance. Some live in denial, but almost all worry about not
being able to perform.
For starters, we reassure men that romance is not about performance. It is about
an intimate relationship. Some men are shocked at the fact that survey after survey have
shown that a woman would rather be hugged than have intercourse—not always, of
course, but as a matter of priorities.
Men who understand this can use this basic nature to their advantage. You don’t have to
be a love machine to have a powerful intimate relationship as you grow older. You just
have to be willing stop trying to perform and simply meet your partner’s needs and
desires. The pressure if off!
Woman, on the other hand, tend to be less concerned about performance and more
stressed about appearance. Plastic surgery notwithstanding, it is a fact that as you get
older, more and more begins to head south. As a result, too many women start feeling
less and less attractive.
Combine that with the typical male tendency to require direct stimulation in order to
achieve an erection, and it is easy to wonder whether the fault is the woman’s looks that
no longer tantalize and send her man into an instant frenzy.
Then the male often blames himself and his aging body for his spouse’s insecurities or
It becomes a vicious cycle. It gets easier with time to say that it doesn’t matter anymore, or
“I’m too old for that sort of thing.”
Get over it. Things are different, sooner or later. We reassure women that romance is
not about appearances. Our research and interviews through the years reveals that
many men and women who would not be considered "attractive" have wonderful romantic
lives, and some of the so-called "beautiful people" have very unfilling sexual relationships.
Are you ready for this?
Many people whom we interview actually say that
sex can get better as men and women get older.
Better? You betcha!
It’s different, but it can be better.
And viva l’difference!
That’s the point of this feature.
SEASONED ROMANCE BASICS
Fact 1: It takes longer for both men and women to get stimulated as they get older. Slow
can be good, very good. Men, you don’t have to pretend to be the thoroughbred stud (or
racehorse) any longer. The pressure is off. Women, you will like the greater emphasis on
mutual satisfaction. Enjoy the time together. Develop a wonder and deep appreciation for
each other’s changing bodies. The fun is far from over—it’s just beginning!
Fact 2: Despite what you have believed all your life, there will be lots of times that as you
grow "older, wiser, healthier, better" that intimacy and lovemaking does not
always have to mean an orgasm for both parties, perhaps for neither. It’s okay.
There are lots of ways to take pleasure in each other. You have the rest of your life to
explore those ways. Enjoy the sensuous journey together.
Fact 3: Make a mutual decision to take better care of yourself to maximize more
enjoyable intimacy. Get help for any medical or emotional challenges. Eat better.
Exercise more. Take more baths (in fact, why not take them together sometimes!). Focus
more on all areas of personal hygiene.
Fact 4: Whatever you do, regardless of how long you have been in a relationship, focus
on building trust. The number one component in sexual satisfaction is trust. It can’t be
bought. It can’t be cajoled. There are no shortcuts. It takes a deepening bond of love,
sharing, and reassurance that no matter what happens, you will be there for each other.
Believe us when we say that trust is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world!
BEYOND THE BASICS
Yes, as they get older, both men and men face changes in all areas of life. Sexual drive
often decreases gradually with age.
You will face lots of factors that will affect your libido—stress, physical problems,
fatigue, side effects from medicines, differences or lack of desire in your partner—but
intimacy really can get better with age.
There can be lots of bonuses. As you get older, you have to worry less about time
constraints. Depending upon your living situation, you can enjoy all of the planning,
foreplay and afterplay you want. You don’t have to lock bedroom doors. You no longer
have to wear clothing if you don’t desire. You can make love in the bedroom by
candlelight, or you can lay on a blanket beside the fireplace. You can do it when you
want—morning, noon, or night. You get to relax in each other’s arms and see where it
takes you, and not get upset or stressed no matter what happens.
Give pleasure. Receive pleasure. Embrace the normal aging processes, and find out
why so many older men and women insist that romance and intimacy can be
better than ever!
Wishing you romance,
WHY SEASONED ROMANCE™?
Our society seems to believe that after a certain age, romance and intimacy become
insignificant. What over-fifties man or woman hasn't been asked, "Do you mean you still do
After half a century of researching and working with people of all ages concerning life and
marriage challenges, we are here to tell you that both love and lovemaking as you get
older can be better than everl!
We live in a day when men and women are enjoying sexual relationships well into the
sixties, seventies, eighties, and even nineties (there hasn’t been a lot of scholastic
research done among people who have crossed the hundred-year mark, but judging from
some of the amazing men and women we have interviewed, researched and counseled
through the years, we are never surprised!).
That’s the point of our exclusive feature in MyBestYears.com—to help you realize
and experience romance well into your golden years, and to help you keep the
passion alive in your relationship.